I've been out for several weeks. And, just when I started gearing back up to post again, I had two surgeries about a week apart. One, I was prepared for and had needed for quite a while. The other, about a week later, was a total surprise and will come with a lot of financial phone calls.
I was in the hospital for just under a cumulative week.
I have, therefore, had quite a few days off working for other people.
This blog post was originally somewhat meandering, as most first drafts are. This morning, for personal reasons, I woke up at 6:30, as I've been working on. I had tea, helped someone with a task, and was struck with the particular kind of morning air that lives in my quintessential memories of the Pacific Northwest, back before I lived here.
Back before I took the initiative to move on my own terms. During the time of life when my parents would laugh at me when I said I wanted to live here, that I didn't understand what it was really like, couldn't separate the romanticized aspects of it from real life as an adult. Apparently, for me to be a Real Adult™, I had to remove all impractical feelings about where I wanted to live.
Which meant, in hindsight, I had to be terrified of not living in a conservative oasis of evangelical Christianity. I don't agree with everyone here but, as I've thought about it over the years, what they really meant was "What pre-approved church will you attend?"
If you haven't caught on by now, I don't attend a church.
Adulthood is not about never leaving your pre-approved bubble, only for pre-approved other bubbles. That's how you get communities of adult children. But since those adult children are doing what the community parents wanted them to do, they think they're all grown up. The type of person who thinks they're right because they're telling others what they were told is not a person. They're part of a program.
This morning, I felt like I wanted to feel years ago, when I thought about living where I do. Despite everything else going on that I'm working on fixing, I've achieved something I wanted.
In the last month and a half, I've had two surgeries that have left very interesting scars. I've had about four weeks' access to unfettered work on stock for Whiskey Terra Foxtrot, as well as a schedule, and I have other work that I've promised to people worked in-between that (sorry!)
It takes a month and a half of the "adult" bureaucracy lying to me, trying to punish me for knowing my rights and protections, particularly in regard to my health, for me to unplug from expectations even further. It takes deciding to wake up absurdly early so I can get done what I want to get done, for me to appreciate, even more, sleeping in my own bed, with the person I love.
Sometimes, it also takes the surprise of staring at your feet in a hospital bed in one more pair of yellow one-size-fits-most socks than you had originally agreed to, to make real changes. And appreciate 7:30AM 45F with a new cup of tea.
Thanks for being here.
And remember, kids,
ᛟᛞᛁᚾ ᚺᚨᛏᛖᛊ ᚾᚨᛉᛁᛊ
ODIN HATES NAZIS!